Him: “Could you please share a few pictures of yours?”
Me: “Yes why not!” (and I literally clicked 3–4 pictures instantly and sent them across)
Him:
No response after that.
I had never thought I would internalize these experiences so much that I would start hating my own face for four years.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even realize when it started happening. I was never someone who thought too much about looks. I wasn’t obsessed with beauty, but I wasn’t insecure either. I was just… normal. Comfortable. Living my life without analyzing my face from every angle.
But the minute I stepped into the world of matrimonial searches, something shifted in me. Maybe because it was the first time my looks were indirectly “evaluated.” The problem was I was not used to rejection. And the truth is not everyone in this world can like you. But back then, I didn’t understand that. I let these small moments turn into a huge judgement about myself.
There was another boy I spoke to. Same thing. Good conversation, everything flowing fine. He asked for pictures. I clicked a few more, sent them, and again… nothing. Just silence.
And silence hurts in a very different way. It leaves you alone with your own thoughts, and trust me, your own thoughts can be brutal.
That’s when I slowly started telling myself, “Okay, I think I get it. My face is the problem.”
Such a simple line, but it stayed in my mind like glue. And that one belief ended up dictating the next four years of my life.
I stopped looking into the mirror.
I stopped clicking my pictures.
I would constantly tell myself I don’t look good.
I genuinely started believing I wasn’t pretty, and the worst part is that I didn’t even question that belief.
One random evening, I remember sitting on the floor in front of my cupboard, trying to get ready for a family outing. Clothes were everywhere. I kept picking outfits and putting them back. And then I just sat down and said softly to myself, “It won’t matter what I wear. I don’t look good anyway.”
No matter what I do, I would eventually end up being sad and terrified that no one wants me, no one likes me.. i dont deserve love, I am good for nothing. By talking to myself like this, I slowly made it my very strong belief system.
During this whole phase, I used to talk to my brother sometimes. I told him, “I think I’m ugly.”
And he would immediately say, “Please stop saying that. You are not ugly. Not even close.”
But what do you do when your mind has already decided that everyone else is lying to make you feel better?
I used to think, “He’s saying this because he’s my brother.”
Meanwhile, I was believing a random stranger’s silence more than someone who actually loves me.
At some point, I got tired of feeling this way. It was exhausting to wake up every day already disliking the person in the mirror. That’s when I started reading psychology books, watching mindset videos, and trying to understand why these experiences affected me so much.
And that’s when I discovered something that genuinely blew my mind. So many girls develop this distorted self image because of comparison, rejection, insecurities, and random comments that they take way too personally. It’s an actual psychological pattern. And I saw myself in almost every description.
One thing I read helped me change my perspective a lot:
We don’t look “good” or “bad.” We just look different from what someone else prefers. But different is not ugly. Not at all.
Another major turning point for me was deleting Instagram. It sounds dramatic, but Instagram was silently destroying my confidence. Every day I was comparing myself to girls who looked flawless because of angles, makeup, filters, edits, and lighting. They looked perfect because they were curated. And I was comparing that to my natural face at 7 pm under tube light. Obviously I felt terrible.
Deleting Instagram gave my mind space to breathe again.
Slowly, things started improving.
One day I accidentally caught my reflection in the mirror while brushing my hair, and for the first time in so long, I didn’t look away. I didn’t feel that sudden discomfort. I just looked at myself peacefully.
Another day, I wore a dress I had avoided for months. I expected to hate how I looked, but I didn’t. I actually thought, “This looks fine.” And that small moment felt like progress.
Over time, I realised something important: those boys disappearing had nothing to do with my worth. People have preferences. People get confused. People change their mind. People get busy. People ghost. But none of these things define your beauty. They don’t define your value. They don’t define you.
If I could go back, I would tell my younger self, “Stop giving strangers the power to decide how you should feel about your face.”
Today, after all this, I can honestly say this:
I was never ugly. Infact no one is. I just believed I was.
And that belief came from comparison, insecurity, and the silence of a few people who didn’t even know me.
If you’ve ever felt this way too, I just want to tell you one thing:
Your face is not the problem.
Your self worth is not tied to who replies and who doesn’t.
And the reflection you avoid in the mirror deserves kindness, not judgement.
You are allowed to see yourself with fresh eyes.
You are allowed to rewrite the story you’ve been telling yourself.
And you are allowed to believe, fully and honestly, that you were never ugly. Not even for a second.
