I’m writing this to the version of me who thought something was always wrong. The one who kept trying to improve, adjust, and fix, hoping one day it would finally feel enough.
This is for you too, if you’ve ever felt like you were constantly falling short of some invisible standard.
Why accepting yourself feels so hard (and where it actually shows up)
This struggle isn’t abstract. It lives in ordinary moments.
Family: when love feels conditional
Maybe no one in your family said they didn’t love you. They just compared you. To cousins. To siblings. To “how you used to be.”
“Why aren’t you more confident like them?”
“You were so good as a kid, what happened?”
“We just want what’s best for you.”
So you learned to perform even at home. To stay agreeable. To hide the parts of yourself that caused tension. And now, even as an adult, you feel like you’re disappointing someone just by being yourself.
What this does to you:
You start believing love is something you can lose. So you silence yourself to keep it.
What I wish you’d remember:
Their expectations are about their fears, not your worth. You’re allowed to outgrow the version of you they were comfortable with.
Friendships: when you’re always the one adjusting
You’re the one who replies fast. The one who checks in. The one who laughs things off even when it stings. You tell yourself, “It’s not that deep,” but it adds up.
You don’t bring up what hurts because you don’t want to seem dramatic. You don’t set boundaries because you don’t want to be difficult. And slowly, you disappear inside the friendship.
What this does to you:
You feel lonely even when you’re not alone.
What helps in real life:
The right people don’t need you to shrink. Anyone who only likes you when you’re easy isn’t actually liking you. They’re liking your silence.
Body image: when mirrors become enemies
You avoid mirrors on bad days. You suck in your stomach without noticing. You choose clothes based on what hides you, not what you like.
Maybe you’ve told yourself, “I’ll start loving myself once I lose weight,” or “Once my skin clears,” or “Once I look more confident.”
But the finish line keeps moving.
What this does to you:
You delay your life. You wait to feel worthy.
What I wish someone had told you:
Your body is not a before photo. It’s the place you live. You don’t have to love how it looks every day. Just stop punishing it for existing.
Career: when you feel behind no matter what you do
You see people your age doing better. Earning more. Figuring it out faster. You question every choice you’ve made.
You downplay your achievements. You feel guilty for wanting more but also guilty for not being grateful enough.
What this does to you:
You feel like you’re always late to your own life.
The truth you need to hear:
Everyone’s timeline is messy. You’re not failing. You’re learning. And no, you didn’t “waste” your years. You were becoming someone.
How to start accepting yourself without pretending everything is fine
This isn’t about waking up confident. It’s about stopping the constant self-betrayal.
Stop talking to yourself like you’re a problem
Notice how fast you blame yourself. For being emotional. For not knowing better. For needing rest.
Try this instead: talk to yourself like someone who’s trying. Someone who’s tired but still showing up.
Let yourself disappoint people
This one hurts, but it’s necessary.
You can’t accept yourself if you’re always choosing other people’s comfort over your truth. Disappointing others doesn’t make you selfish. It means you’re finally being honest.
Be kind to the parts of you that adapted
You didn’t become quiet, anxious, or overly independent for no reason. Those traits protected you once.
Thank them. Then decide what you want to keep and what you’re ready to let go of.
What accepting yourself actually changes
You stop chasing approval that never satisfied you anyway.
You stop explaining yourself to people who aren’t listening.
You start making choices that feel right, not just safe.
Life doesn’t suddenly get easy. But it gets quieter inside.
One last thing I need you to hear
You were never difficult to love. You were just taught to abandon yourself early.
Accepting yourself completely isn’t about fixing who you are. It’s about finally standing on your own side, especially when it’s uncomfortable.
And if today all you can do is stop being cruel to yourself, that’s enough. That’s how it starts.
